It’s okay if you’re not feeling okay…

Synopsis

No one’s ever told Mel that she didn’t have to be perfect.

Meet Mel: She’s a dedicated workaholic and chronic people-pleaser who spends her weekends drowning her loneliness in alcohol. A meticulous planner, Mel’s world takes a turn when a panic attack forces her to reassess the pursuit of flawlessness.

Seeking refuge, she escapes to the Azores, reconnecting with her estranged aunt and collaborating with photographer Carlos to capture the island’s breathtaking beauty, all while waiting for her elusive boyfriend. Yet, even in this picturesque escape, her inner struggles persist, leading her back to familiar vices.

Amid the backdrop of unfulfilled relationships and crippling anxiety, a meaningful bond blossoms between Mel and Carlos. He becomes the dependable friend, her unwavering rock. As their connection deepens, Mel faces a pivotal choice that can change her life forever. Torn between two paths, she must choose what she truly wants.

Join Mel on this heartfelt journey as she navigates the challenges of anxiety, seeking liberation from society’s expectations. Witness her discovery of inner strength, empowering her to rewrite her own story.

Funny and moving, sweet and inspiring, “Anxious Girl” is a poignant narrative that explores the layers of anxiety, revealing the courage needed to seek help and the resilience to forge a new path.

My review

Mel is determined to prove her worth in the law firm she is working for. But as it’s still a men’s world, she needs the weekend to drown her loneliness and sorrow, hoping that her boyfriend Rodrigo will soon pop the question.
But a severe panic attack makes her stop and reassess her life. And to escape even her own parents, Mel seeks refuge with her estranged aunt in the Azores.
There she learns that not only there is so much more to life than the one she is living now, but she also learns who the real Mel is. She also reconnects with her aunt and discovers why this weird yet amazing woman has become an outcast. She also connects with photographer Carlos, who is there for Mel whenever she needs him, or just to show her the beauty of life.
But when her life catches up with her, it’s up to Mel to decide which is the right path to follow…

Is it possible to write a book about serious matters, yet not making it all too depressing story? But finding the perfect balance of keeping it light, yet never taking it too light either?
Well, let me assure you, that this book that found that perfect balance, and Rosa Silva never made a mockery about the main character’s issues. On the contrary in fact, because we see Mel at her lowest, but also finding back her strength.

I can only try to imagine how lonely Mel feels at the start of the book. Her friends have spread around the world, living their own lives. Her work doesn’t take her serious, giving her time over time the same kind of cases. There is one toxic colleague enjoying bullying her. Her parents don’t understand her. And even her boyfriend is rather absent, and when he is with Mel, well, serious discussions aren’t exactly on the table.
So even if I didn’t agree with her coping mechanism, I could understand why Mel needed to drown her weekend.

Panic attacks can be very frightening, as I am speaking out of experience myself. My attacks weren’t of the same calibre as Mel’s but I felt her fear as she didn’t understand what was happening to her. With those symptoms, who wouldn’t think about a heart attack?

Mel has so many battles to fight, and her panic attack is a clear signal she, for once, needs to think about herself, and do what’s best for her and her alone. Even if that means standing up against her parents and head off to her stay with her estranged aunt.
While for me, I would never think to visit an aunt who I haven’t seen or heard from for years, I could understand that Mel needs to be with people who don’t know her and her background.

I have to say, even if I didn’t feel anxious like Mel does, I could feel the calming effect of the Azores. I have never been there myself, but I could picture myself there alongside Mel, discovering this beautiful place, while on the discovery of herself.

Once arrived, it was funny to see how different Mel and Aunt Gabriela were. Mel was rather wary at the start, while Aunt Gabriela is this exuberant woman, a force to reckon with! Aunt Gabriela pushes Mel outside, almost literally. But her pushing doesn’t feel so overwhelming as the pushing that happened with Mel at home.
Aunt Gabriela truly acts at Mel’s best interest, even if it’s crystal-clear that she has her own problems. And it was funny to see how her behaviour was rubbing off on Mel!

Mel finds the peace and calmness she was seeking, but she also has time to think about her life and the choices she made and the choices she needs to make. Together with Carlos, she rediscovers an old passion of her, making her wonder if the path of the law is her path to follow or not.
And while with the friendship with Carlos deepens, Mel has to reassess but also understand the depth of each relationship, romantic ones and not.

In this book, we see that sometimes the worst thing that happened to us is perhaps the best thing that could happen.
Anxiety, panic attacks,… are serious matters, not to be taken lightly. And Rosa Silva captures that anxiety and sense of loss, loneliness, perfectly, but she also added a layer of lightness, showing that it takes courage to take a step aside and just reflect on everything. And that there is there will always be sunshine after a storm, no matter how long that storm lasts. But also that it’s okay not feeling okay, and it’s okay to be “selfish” and think about yourself and your own (mental) health. Because it’s only when you look after yourself, that you can start thinking about a future involving others. Because the others that truly matter (estranged family or even newly acquainted people), understand that you need you – time and will stand patiently waiting for you and the right time.