Today I am sharing a guest post!
Synopsis
Ila has her pride. And she’s about to discover just how much trouble that can be…
It’s 1976 and in the Vile Parle suburb of Mumbai, bastion of the Maharashtrian middle-class, Ila Bendre’s mother is determined to get her four daughters married off as soon as possible.
Ila has no intention of snaring a proposal from some dull specimen of Marathi manhood so she can pretend to care about cricket for the rest of her life. She wants a career and life of her own, and she’ll do whatever it takes to escape married bliss, no matter what the neighbours might say.
But when Ila’s Bollywood-obsessed younger sister, Latika, takes the matter of marriage into her own hands, it looks as if the Bendre family’s reputation in this close-knit community will be ruined once and for all…
As we follow the Bendre sisters from dinners to parties to weddings, from Vile Parle to Pune, will love eventually conquer all in this ingeniously witty and charming tale of pride, prejudice and puranpolis?
Guest post
LOVE, MARRIAGE AND THE GREAT INDIAN FAMILY
An old professor of mine had once said that Americans have social security; Indians have their families. It’s the most succinct description I’ve heard, of the institution that is the Indian family.
It forms the very centre of our society and culture – love it, hate it, there is no escaping it. And there are plenty who argue that there is no need to escape it in the first place. After all, Indian children often live with their families well into adulthood, if not for their entire lives. Oprah had once famously asked Indian actress Aishwarya Rai and her husband, actor Abhishek Bachchan, “You live with your parents? How does that work?” To which Abhishek Bachchan had quipped, “You don’t live with your family? How does that work?”
See when it comes to marriage in India, whoever you marry isn’t just marrying you, they are marrying into your entire family. And so, the thinking goes, the rest of your family gets to have a say in who becomes your better half. After all, they’re going to have to live with this person for their whole lives too (we don’t consider divorce, it’s too Western).
In fact, the very concept of arranged marriage is centred around these beliefs. On the idea that if two families from the same socioeconomic class, belonging to the same religion, caste, subcaste even, are connected by marriage it’s better for everyone involved. There is a shared heritage of customs and cuisine, language and lifestyle that means that both families don’t have much to adapt to, after the wedding. But what about the personalities of the people getting married? Their like-mindedness? Common interests? What about love? Eh, all that will happen later probably, don’t worry. Ok, sexual compatibi-? Ssh, we don’t talk about sex, we’re Indian.
Which is why love marriage is considered such a transgression. While it’s pretty common these days, there are still enough and more Indian parents who, on some level, feel that it’s unthinkable that their child even think of making such a huge life decision independently. We raised you, they think, we know what’s good for you and you think you can just choose a life partner without involving us in the process? You?!? Who can’t be trusted to make a trip to the grocery store without adult supervision? You, marrying whoever you want? For love? You may as well slap us across our faces and be done with it.
Not to say there aren’t those who throw caution – and any hopes of wedded bliss – to the winds and marry against the explicit wishes of their family. Now, to be honest, many of these stories do get a reasonably happy-ish ending. Eventually. The family becomes nuclear, not joint. Relations turn cordial over time, if not entirely Hallmark-card-worthy. People make do. But some love stories… they just become cautionary tales. Every few months, you see a newspaper headline where two young people, from different religions or castes or economic classes, are found dead somewhere, all for the monumental crime of daring to love each other, without their family’s approval.
Romeo & Juliet ain’t got shit on us.
So what then, you ask? Well, if you want a happy married life which a. includes your family b. doesn’t include constant disapproval of everything your spouse does and c. some modicum of mental peace, your best bet is the arranged love marriage. Where you consciously or subconsciously pick a partner your parents are sure of approve of, then bring them home so your family can officially approve them for marital purposes, and then lather, rinse and repeat the process with your partner’s family. This way, everyone goes to their shared home happy. There is a wedding that makes it to Instagram under the hashtag #MyBigFatIndianWedding and within six months, both sets of in-laws start asking if the new bride has any “good news” in the pregnancy department.
But that, as they say, is a story for another day.
Vedashree Khambete Sharma





























